Trust Yourself. 

Trust Your Process.

People have a habit of projecting their fears onto others. We know this. But recognizing it doesn’t mean we become impervious to people’s projected fears. Being aware is just the first step.

When I decided to quit my job and travel internationally for three months, people’s reactions were to frantically pummel me with unwarranted projected fears. Because I was in a place of uncertainty, I found myself starting to feel insecure, vulnerable, and re-question everything I was doing. I had previously committed to the decision, but after all of the “are you sure” “what if’s” and “but’s,” I started to wonder if I was making a grave mistake. And just like that, I started adopting their fears not only as truths, but as if they were my own. I refer to these fears as IPOF or Insidious Projected Outsider Fears. These are some of the worst types of fears because they are sneaky, often undetectable, and hugely impactful. You’re going to want to read more about IPOF here, because you are probably unknowingly chowing down on it too. 

I’ve had a long-standing history of fleeing from any scenario that calls for some type of committed decision despite the perceived magnitude. I dodge, duck, dip, dive and.. dodge so much I received the nickname “Maybe I’ll Show Up Marchesa.” Yet, in recent years, I’ve been working on this aspect of myself by trying to firmly commit. So now, when I do commit to something, I (naturally) waffle back and forth on the decision I’ve committed to least 100 times, until I feel like I’ve simultaneously made the best and worst decision of my life. This pilgrimage was no different. So the last effing thing I need in life is someone else’s fears on top of my own. I’m okay with the waffles but I’ll pass on the drizzle of IPOF. 

However, by trusting myself, I ended up sticking to my life-altering committed decision and embarking on my international trip.

It was one of the best, if not the best, decisions I have ever made.

I want to be clear on one thing: The support of my friends and family during the periods of uncertainty and heavy servings of IPOF were invaluable. I’m not sure if I would have had the confidence and self-trust to be able to follow through with those decisions, if it weren’t for the words of encouragement and helpful reminders. They helped rebuild my confidence and remind me of the reasons why I had made the decision to embark on my traveling pilgrimage in the first place.

Regardless of where you fall on the scale of decision neuroticism, (super waffley, some waffles with a side of IPOF, or even no waffles) encouragement and support from trusted sources can be vital in moments of uncertainty and insecurity. Even though it seems like such a small act, the impact is larger than you may realize.

With that being said, I understand that some people may not feel like they have a solid support group around them or may simply need a gentle reminder of things they already know to be true. In any case, I wanted to share some thoughts from my immediate circle that really helped me when I was feeling unsure about the life changing decisions I was about to make. I encourage you to use them in any way you see fit. 

We all need a little love and encouragement sometimes, so hopefully this can be that for you.

I want to kick it off by saying:

Trust yourself.

Be bold.

If you’ve been wanting to make a change for awhile but haven’t because of some type of irrational or society-constructed fear – fuck that. This is your beautiful, exciting, interesting and… finite, mortal life – Live it on your terms and no one else’s.

It’s inappropriate to measure your life based on someone else’s. Everyone has different priorities, goals, and paths. Trust in Yours.

Stephen

“Remember: Life is Good. Things are Interesting. And People Love You.”

“Don’t bet against yourself”

“Be completely and deeply satisfied with whatever it is that you have while simultaneously having the desire for more”

“Be your own best friend. Use kind words, love, encouragement, and support, as you would with a best friend.”

“For now and for the rest of your life, it should always be true that you have nowhere else to go and nothing better to do then to be here, right now because if that’s not true- Then head right out the door to find your soul and your passion”

 

Sharina

This is an excerpt from the book, Ignite Your Inner Goddess written by my wonderfully thoughtful sister, Sharina.

Notice whose “voice” is expressing these fears. Is it your voice? Or is it someone else’s? Fear has a voice and it is generally there to keep us safe but sometimes, it can get out of hand and start to silently be the captain of the ship, dictating our decisions. Fear is just an advisor; Heed the advice but make the choices you want to make. Sometimes things are not based on logic and reason.

You probably haven’t seen the movie but a great example of this occurs in Star Trek. In the story, the human captain of the spaceship, Captain Kirk, commands orders that are not always based on logic, that is according to the half-alien, Spock, whose species is based off logic and reason. The captain continues to surprise (and sometimes stump) Spock because he can’t understand why Captain Kirk makes decisions that are seemingly illogical. Yet, time and time again, Captain Kirk saves his ship and crew because of these “illogical” choices. My point is that sometimes behind the Inner Critic or under the fear, there is the choice we know in our soul we need to make, even if it’s not the “logical” choice.

Try to sit with the fear and talk to it like it’s a persona of yours. Does it have a certain accent or voice? What do you say to it? (ie: thanks for keeping me safe. I am going to choose XYZ from now on or I no longer need you for this situation).

Typically, your Inner Critic is more of a manifestation of a fear. Thus, meeting your Inner Critic is, also in a sense, becoming aware of a fear. This is very similar to the concept of meeting the Boggart in Harry Potter. A Boggart is a shape-shifting creature that shifts into the form of the viewers worst fear. In the story, Harry and his classmates meet their Boggart (aka their worst fear) and then with a wave of their wand, they are told to say, “Ridiculous!” This simple act magically changes the Boggart into something funny. The fear disappears because they have overcome it in some sense. The lesson learned here is that powerful healing happens when you courageously hone in on your power, bringing these fears out into the light and acknowledging them in a safe and appropriate way.”

Marlaina

“There are always going to be aspects of other people’s lives that look more appealing than yours. That’s just how it is. However, that doesn’t mean you should compare yourself to them and their situations. Everyone has their own unique path. Remember why you made this decision and trust that.”

“At the end of the day, we have one life to live. We are in control of some aspects of it. Do the best you can for yourself. Give what you can to others. But don’t give to others what you don’t have to give to them. Make sure that you are a priority to yourself… you are important too.”

“…And if people don’t agree and try to make you feel anything less than good? F*ck them.”